Confessional open for business....

I'm with you Jess -- I peaked at a weight I haven't been at in probably 3 years.  I was eating bad and not exercising....but my God -- I was gorging myself.  Friday I pulled myself up by the boot straps and started fresh.....again.  Friday had my final 1424 meeting....now the area is officially in the hands of the new girl.  I t was a planning meeting and I was like a lame duck president.  So far behind in my work I had to put in 5 hours today and still more to do tomorrow.  I had the finality of changing my recorded voicemail message -- to not include plus sizes.  Crazy how it all gets to you.

I feel a little empty -- I had a bunch of David meetings this week, a 2 day offsite to work on strategy building and yes....the company picnic.  The meetings were very mediocre.  I feel like I am under the microscope....but just my own view -- but it gets to me either way.  I worry that I am becoming such a negative nellie -- that people are steering clear of me.  Except for my one pain in the ass team member who suggested via email today that i needed to be sensitive to her workload.  Thought about screaming F*** You....but politely told her I needed to be sensitive to the whole team not just her.

Where do these self-centered, entitled and obnoxious people come from....and how the Hell did she get on my team.  Now that the team is smaller she is going to get a lot more of my attention -- and I can promise she is not going to like it.

Now back to me..... :)  and you of course!  I don't care if we are so fat we roll -- we are going to have a good time.  We are gonna talk endlessly, take in the amazing views, take about a million pictures -- causing everyone to have to wait for use, then we are gonna make fun of whoever we want -- including ourselves.  And for God's sake if we have to huff and puff to do it....we will!    I think I'll fill my pack with bags of M&M's, to hell with rice!

Watch out world -- there are two peri-menopausal women headed toward the Appalachian Trail....don't get in our way!  We are several pounds overweight and could be dangerous.

PISSED OFF!

.6 of a pound?! I eat less than a squirrel. I work out like a maniac. It just pisses me off. There is just something wrong with my body! I just want to crawl back in my bed an read all day. Not a good place to be on a pizza Fri, heading in to the weekend . . . I thought maybe if I came to "the confessional" it could get back in perspective.

Regroup, regroup, regroup . . . . Arrggh!

JW

Right With You, Sister!

* I am sooooo with you! I was right on track post-vaca, lost 4 lbs, etc. Then I have 3 nites in a row of NO sleep which just throws me off. I barely exercise, I eat crap, I down diet cokes, I nap in the afternoon, I get nothing done - the cycle just exaperates itself. I SWEAR it is hormonal - some kind of peri-menopausal thing or something. Everything in my life and house is completely out of control - so of course I put 2.2 back on.
* Meanwhile, I do my Mud Run - which yes, was very fun with my friends in the pouring rain, but honestly? I ran like crap. I had to walk up some hills. Frankly I was worried about twisting an ankle (it was indeed treacheroulsy slick) but the fact is that I was at the tail of our little pack and I know I can clearly run 3 miles. Later in the day, I was thinking that I really felt like a loser. They had to wait for me (well, only a few minutes, but still!) to cross the finish together. Add that to the psyche. They're my friends - I'm sure they do not care - but you know!
* Yes, in my years of Catholic School, I suppose any form of self-reflection is a type of confessional. At least we are not "physically" self-flagulating ourselves (did you see DaVinci Code?) But the point is to reflect, cleanse, absolve thyself and move on to improve!

* SO, today is a new day! In fact, yesterday (after my nap) I started cleaning my house; I got up early today and walked, got my nutrition back on track, and worked out mid-morning. Now if I could only concentrate on work I would be good.

* BTW, Steve was a Piper City, IL boy who worked in Canada (for Goodyear). In fact, I think he may still live there. Speaking of Steve's, I think you should look up the Moosejaw one and have him outfit us for our adventure!
* SIX WEEKS! We can focus for SIX WEEKS, right?! Let's do it! We will NOT be at the tail of the hiking group! And let's set a realistic goal . . . 6 lbs? (I'd like 10, but let's say 6!) Are you game?

I'm not Catholic.......

But does this blog strike anyone else like a form of confession?  Jess -- I think you are catholic.....Good God I ought to know since I was in your wedding -- but can't remember....I think I had too much fun in that limo visiting the winery.  And God knows I was focused on that cute Canadian boy Steve.  (he was Canadian right....am I making that up?)  Don't know about Jodie -- are you Canadian....just kidding I mean Catholic?!

+3

Ok.....I'm caught up in an ugly battle with the scale.  Last weekend I had taken off nearly 3 pounds....then mid way through the week they were back.  It derailed me.  I took on the...."what the Hell -- if I can't lose weight -- I'll just eat like crazy and throw caution to the wind."  Which I did.....and I think we all know the outcome.   Total irritation with myself.  I did get out and play 9 holes of golf today....and of course prepared for my work offsite.  I've got a big week ahead of me.  Lot's of David meetings (he's the CEO dude).  Sort of feel like he's watching me...grading me, determining if I'm as valuable as I'd like to think I am.  I don't feel nervous -- but for some reason this type of situation makes me feel a little rebellious.  I can't really explain that element.  It strikes me as odd -- but its still there.  Kind of like this......F you sort of feeling -- which goes against all my insecurities....which I seem to be riddled with.

I do feel more relaxed in some way after all this job stuff.  That and there hasn't been a "mom" issue for at least 2 weeks -- so I am feeling damn near giddy!

That's enough "piss & vinegar" for now!  I'll get back to you guys in a few days and let you know how it all goes!

Mel

Back on the Trail Again!

I had such a crappy weekend! After a great week - worked hard exercising, great nutrition - then I just fell apart. I was such a slug; it rained, then I got lazy, slept in, started snacking . . . when I finally got dressed to run it stormed again (heaven forbid I go to the Y!). Then I had a bunch of kids here and made pancakes, which of course I ate (when yes, I could have easily made myself some eggs). It goes on and on. Of course I felt like crap this whole time.

FINALLY, Sun afternoon we headed out to the Trail and put in 6 miles. It felt so good. I don't know if it is the exercise, or the fresh air, or the sense of accomplishment or what, but naturally everything fell back in line! It is my new cure all! I had a not-great day of work, so guess where I am now headed!

Jessica

Centering....

A Strozzi term -- for grounding yourself and preparing for what's next.  I am trying to do just that.  Went to my WW meeting today....and I can admit to you guys -- I am actually heavier than I was back in November when I joined.  That's ok -- I feel good that I haven't given up.  Bought a new journal to record my food intake and exercise schedule.  A new journal for me is like the key to everything -- I to this day can't believe I don't write in a journal everyday.  I love journals and actually like solving problems by writing about them....but somehow have never gotten in the habit of keeping a personal journal.

Sitting on my back porch listening to the rain and enjoying the fireplace.  A pretty darn good Saturday night by my standards.  Trying to calm myself -- before the onslaught of work.  Between now and the last week of August -- I have a massive amount of work to accomplish.  So I'm trying not to panic.  Also truly trying to understand how you hold on to your self......"honor yourself" as Jodie and I discussed last weekend while going through these type of times.  There are several personal things I feel the desire to do -- bur reluctant to take my eyes off the work.  How can I excel at work if I don't give it everything.  Trying to figure out how to delegate more.

I feel relatively calm right now -- not sure why -- but grateful for the feeling!

MM